Brit Chick Runs

Um, hello.

It’s been a while hasn’t it!? Before I launch off into the past week+ of escapades, I must say: a) thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for all the comments on my last post. I haven’t been able to reply to anywhere near all of them, but I always always read every single one – they meant so much. b) thank you [again] to all of the emails I’ve received the past week or so – you guuuuuyyyyyyzzzz!! Again – I read every. single. email. and I WILL reply to you all, even if it takes me a while to do so!

Ok, onwards and upwards!

——

Well, this week has been mental, to say the least. Even if I hadn’t decided to take a blog-break, I think I would’ve had to anyway! I had THREE job interviews, two trips into London (meaning out the house by 9.45am, back 9.45pm), my graduation ceremony, work, job interview ‘revision’ & research, horses to look after, running to do, too much coffee to drink…serrrrrozlee, a crazy week. I’ve hardly touched my camera, apart from to take random foodie highlights (you know, when you eat a bite and go all ‘holyheck that was delish! I must capture the moment!’ Anyone else get that….? Just me? Ok.) and to come to graduation with me. But still! I’ll show you what I have been up to….

OH, and FYI – I was gonna blog when I got back last night (at 9.45pm), but then I spilt my hot bevvy all over the table, my laptop (d.w., it’s survived), random notes and forms by my laptop…it wasn’t a pretty site, and needless to say, I didn’t fancy blogging after that. I actually just went to bed – though I had been up since 6am, so I had an excuse! ANYWAY.

Nooch. Dijon mustard. Smoked paprika. Garlic. s&p. Somethin’ else and I forget what. Spaghetti squash. Chickpeas.

Can you say YUMM!?

Interestingly enough, spaghetti squash with all the same stuff but minus the chickpeas? Not as good :’(

Whilst we’re on the subject of chickpeas, do you know what part 1 of breakfast was today?

Chickpeas and hummus, naturally. Tis what all the cool kids have for breakfast now. I served it in my new BOWL!

So pretty! I picked it up before my interview in London yesterday; I arrived early…very early…and – seeing as the offices are right in the hub of EVERYTHING – I stumbled across a 70% off sale in Habitat (& promptly found my DREAM kitchen) and Planet Organic. Luckily, the Planet Organic (kinda like Whole Foods) was a weeny branch, so my purse was saved. It was mildly exciting though!! Ahem.

Oohh something else exciting which I’ve discovered! You know I’ve mentioned multiple times how I love the mush at the bottom of a milky cereal bowl? WELL, I discovered some year-old-and-forgotten-about Oatbix in the cupboard, and in the essence of not wasting, decided to eat them. Well. What happens when you combine 2 Oatbix with 1/2 c. soya milk? The Oatbix soak it up somethin’ silly, and you have a bowl of MUSH!!

I can’t tell you the happiness I felt when I discovered this kerrrazy fact

Two more exciting food finds:

That’s tofu, with an incredible marinade of cocoa powder, white wine vinegar (I THINK, but the paper I noted this down on got destroyed last night…), soy sauce, mixed spice, mirin, & garlic, then roasted til crispy.

I’ve done it twice and both times, I was blown. away. Actually BLOWN AWAY.

I’ve also discovered – thanks to Whole Foods – that butternut squash roasted with sage, EVOO, parsley, cranberries and onions, is quite possibly the best thing ever. TRY IT.

But anyway, that’s not the exciting Other Find.

THIS is the exciting other find:

Pancakes, made with gram flour and a bit of wheatbran and baking powder, buuut with blended soya milk, parsnip and apple (& spices) for one batch, and blended soya milk, carrot and pear (& spices) in the other:

They came up SO dense and thick and amazing! The texture was just like…woah! And yes, even the burnt one was delicious

OOOHHHHkay. Now let’s move on – running, graduation, KittyKats…

Kovac, who has a love affair with wet trainers:

It must be cos they smell of me.

Running? Weeeelll, today I had a wonderful 6.2 / 10k, done in 48mins25 (I was very pleased!), and on Wednesday, I did my long run for the week – 12miles, done in 1hour43. I tried to slow my pace a little (my last 12 was 1hr39) because I don’t want to run my marathon at an 8.20 pace, so why train my long runs at that pace? The 1hr43 12 was about 8.40 pace, and felt very very comfortable – I wanted to keep going and going and going..the weather was sunny but with a lovely fresh breeze, my legs felt ace, my energy levels were sky high – but I ran out of time; I had a GRADUATION to get to!!

I don’t have many photos on here – my dad took a ton on his camera and my step dad took a ton on his one, so I’ve only got a couple on mine:

That’s a part of my uni…attractive, isn’t it? Don’t worry, you can agree – I’m being sarcastic :-p My uni actually has a reputation for being the most grey, depressing campus in all the land!!

My step dad and I above – don’t we look smart!?

My dad and I – note, he is 6ft3! I’m in heels :-p

My feet hurt so bad at the end of that day…

The MotherShip & I!

Below, all the Psychology grads making our way out of the building (after a 2hour BOILING hot service-thing)

Guess where I am!?

(LOL – note the stunning sock / trainer tan line on my leg….and THAT’S what you get for running! Hehe, you should see the tanline from my shorts..oh boy)

Do you know – they filmed the whole thing, and streamed it on the web: last year, 17,000 people watched it world wide!! That’s probably because 40% of my uni is foreign students, hence a lorra family folk not being able to see their beloved sprogs graduate. Clever, huh?

After graduation, I ate a giant, out-of-date Clif bar, and then my mother and I went to have a celebratory meal at a Chinese restaurant – ahhh, the most delicious meal! I’ve been out to a Chinese restaurant four times in my whole life (three of which were the week of my marathon, in Washington DC, and once in Washington DC when I was there with my BFF in 2007), so I wasn’t sure what to expect. It was ace though! There wasn’t a single tofu / seitan dish on the menu, which was a bummer, so I ordered rice, plus a vegetable soup to start, plus a broccoli dish, a water chestnut dish, and a stir fried veggie dish. As the waitor was walking away, my mum said ‘I’m surprised you haven’t got any tofu on the menu??’ – the waiter looked confused, and was like ‘we do!’ (just not WRITTEN on the menu…). SO, I had ‘bean curd’ dish too! The bean curd was homemade, and was very, very odd. Really crispy on the outside, but super mushy on the inside – unlike any tofu I’ve ever had. I guess that’s the difference between tofu and bean curd…? It was a lovely meal though Oh – and I ate ALL of my dishes

Mk, I’ve run out of photos now, so I’ll just blabber for a while – Monday saw my first interview in London, which was a group one; I had to give presentations solo and in a group, argue cases for stuff, stand for one minute and talk about some random topic (I got given politics…)..it was fun!

I also went to Whole Foods for mon dindins (obviously) and got back super late. Tuesday was my second interview, which was tough, real tough. I was told I’ve got through to the assessment centre stage, butttt, to cut a long story short – I don’t think I’ll be going to that one.

Wednesday was my graduation – I was up at stupid o’clock to get in my long run, then it was get ready, drive there, photos, paying £50 for my gown hire (I didn’t even get that $$$ back!) and then going out for the meal – another late night.

On Thursday, I got a call saying I had a second interview (one-on-one) for the Monday job, with the interview on Friday! SO I had to a load more prep, spent another £50 on train tickets, and then Friday was the 2nd interview. I really don’t think that one went so well….but ooh well…it was a good experience, a chance to go to Habitat and a chance to get yet another Whole Foods dinner :-p Good times!

Today, I caught up on…relaxing!? I rode Chika (she was ace), went for a walk, did the fortnightly shop…it’s been good

& now, I’m gonna go cook dinner.

Question: what have you been up to the past week!? I’ve missed y’all!

Hey guys.

Thanks to everyone who commented on my last post (or sent emails – I’ll get back to you soon, promise!) – how I feel about my body and my self is a very, very sensitive topic for me, and it took a lot of courage to write. Most of the comments were really supportive, but there were some things which hurt me, a lot, and this is what this post is about. In fact, after I read some of them, I broke down a little bit. My mum got in from her first client, and after the usual ‘herro’, I just said in a wobbly voice: ‘can I cry on you please?’. of course, she said yes, and I explained what had happened. She was actually pretty shocked by some stuff.

Firstly, there were a lot of accusations along the lines of my being ‘painfully thin’. This confuses me. 1) My BMI puts me in the healthy range. Yes, I’m slender – I can see that. But I am not painfully thin, far from it! I also don’t think it is fair to compare my figure to my sister’s. Hannah takes after my mother – they are both 5ft7 and ‘pear’ shaped, with tiny waists and larger butts [Hannah has the most amazing bum, and looks killer in a bodycon dress!] – in fact, Hannah’s curves are something I have always been jealous of! I however, take after my dad – he’s 6ft3 and very slender, and I’m 5ft9.

(I hope you don’t mind me posting that pic, Papa! Circa 1990, it’s the only one I could find!)

  

(Hannah and I, circa 2004 – pre-ED.)

I am very straight up and down. I have slim arms and slim legs and no butt to speak of – that’s just me. I would love bigger arms, but without access to some decent hand weights, I’m stuck with slightly scrawny ones. I’m actually pretty shy about showing my arms because they are skinny, and it frustrates me. I’d also like to point out that when that photo of Hannah and I was taken, do you know the kinda food I lived off? Breakfast would be a massive, overflowing bowl of cereal. Breaktime snack at school – a slice of cake, or a Yorkie. Lunch – whatever was in the canteen, normally a chicken burger with chips, followed by a giant cookie or another slice of cake, and some juice. Snack at home – crisps, a few snack-snize chocolate bars, chocolate milk, pans au chocolates, or those Muller-Corner yogurts, with the chocolatey bits. Dinner = a variation on the theme of chicken nuggets and chips. Yet – despite not running and sitting all day, I still looked like this:

(World’s worst pic of me *posture Freya!!*! March 2005, pre-ED – I remember that day well, cos Hannah and I had been revising for GCSEs in the horses’ field during the Easter holidays. Wave to Lily in the background! :’()

I now have a much improved diet, and I exercise. I have a quick metabolism – that. is. just. me.

Secondly, a number of you said that recent pictures of me show me looking extremely thin….. ?

Yes, I have slender arms. But to me, that picture does not look like someone who is disappearing!

(HLS last year – my weight is way up from then!)

I am never going to look like the typical, prototype woman. I am flat chested and have more of an upside down triangle shape – my shoulders are more broad than my hips. I’m not being harsh on myself, I’m just saying it how it is. That. is. me.

Thirdly – and this really grates me to write this – the pencil skirt I bought for my interview on Monday is a size 10, and it fits me snugly. When I had my ED, a size 6 skirt would FALL off me. I literally could not wear one without a belt. I’ll refrain from taking a picture of me IN the skirt, and one of the label to match – but my point is, that is not painfully thin.

I’d also like to address the issues about my eating habits / styles apparently being very disordered. Here’s the thing about me – I get obsessed with things, food or otherwise. When I was little, I only ate honey sandwiches. Then I moved on to mac n cheese (although after I got sick once eating it, I never touched it again!), then it was chicken nuggets and chips. I used to eat nothing but Sultana Bran for breakfast, then it was Weetabix, then oatmeal. Then, last year, I went though a Green Monster phase. My current phase? Oats with a smoothie. I always put a sprinkle of cereal on my smoothie because I think it makes the picture look prettier, like a bow on a present. I don’t see anything wrong with eating the same breakfast – my mum has had museli for breakfast every single day for over 15years, and she has potatoes with her dinner 4 – 5 times a week. It’s just what she likes!

Also, when I say I have oats, I don’t have: oats + water. I have oats with flax, milk, nooch – I don’t want plain oats! Likewise, my smoothies are rich – at least 1 big banana, plus add ins. I never, ever post my daily eats either. I don’t post about my pre-run snacks (a handful of brazil nuts, wheatgerm [yes, straight up from the packet!], a few dates and a big apple), the multiple spoons of PB I take from the jar during the day, the random almonds I nibble on constantly, the cereal handfuls, the afternoon snacks, my 9pm Chocolate Snack attack, my bedtime snack. There is a lot you don’t see. Yes, I eat a lot of vegetable volume – why? Cos I love it! I have never hidden that I am a volume eater, and I never will. I enjoy eating, and I like seeing a big plateful in front of me. My favourite foods are parsnips, kabocha, dark chocolate and oats, and it just so happens that you can eat a lot of those things in one sitting! If you could sit there and eat a plate of your favourite food (peanut butter, for example) without feeling sick, I’m sure you would.

In regards to having the negative thoughts I talked about, please take note of the context:

” Half of my brain knows I look fine, I’m healthy, and regardless, my weight / size of my thighs / thickness of my arm does NOT define me as a person. But the other half, the nasty irritating half, is not liking what it sees. It sees a large person, one who has chunky thighs and thick arms and a round belly. I KNOW this is unreasonable”

Yes, I can look in the mirror and not like what I see, I can see a larger person – as do millions and millions of other women. I have never, ever liked my appearance – and when I’m feeling as insecure as I am right now (about life as a whole, ie not knowing where I’m gonna be in 6months), those feelings come to the surface. I will re-iterate that I KNOW that I am NOT fat, or tubby, or anything. But, because I am not perfect and I have suffered from an ED, negative thoughts about my weight are always going to be the first ones that come out to play. I’m not sure if they’ll ever go, but I’m working on it. It’s a process that takes years – My mum has only really accepted herself and her body in the past 10years or so, as she’s found her niche and a career that she loves. So, I’ll it say again – these things take time.

I hate that I’ve had to write this post – but I hate even more that so many people out there have got it wrong, and so I feel the need to defend myself. I have worked too hard to be doubted like this.

So why does it matter what a bunch of strangers think? Well, mainly because I have spent the past 3-4 years fighting, recovering, and trying to show my family that I am not on a one-way path to self destruction. It’s probably only the past 6months or so that my family have really seen that I am OK! Just last Sunday, my gran – who is 88 and far too honest for her own good – told me how healthy I am looking these days. My mum has told me countless times recently how well I look, how healthy, and she is honest, I can trust her opinion 100%. She wouldn’t support my marathon training if she didn’t think I was a healthy weight, and when I’ve lost weight in the past, she notices straight away. I pride myself on how far I have come, and where I am today – so hearing people who don’t know me AT ALL accusing me is like…finding out you’re being gossiped about at school or something. Equally, people commenting on my weight is hurtful – you don’t call an overweight person ‘disgustingly fat’, and so why is it OK to call someone you’ve never met, who you THINK is thin, ‘painfully thin’? Especially when that person has just expressed that they suffer from low self esteem in regards to their figure.

Here’s the main thing – I have low self esteem. I was the shy girl at school, I was nicknamed ‘Lanky’ in primary, and had few friends in secondary. I am a confident person in that I’m outgoing when I talk to people, I can strike up a relationship with strangers, and I don’t mind standing up in front of an audience and giving a presentation – but I am not confident about my figure. It comes from years of towering over my friends, who were tiny and beautiful, and for only ever having negative attention from boys during high school. My stress and anxiety in life is expressed via distaste for myself – other people might show their stress differently, but that’s how mine comes out.

I also know I am slender – but that is my figure, I cannot change how I am built. I’m 5ft9, I have a healthy BMI, and I am flat chested with no hips and slim arms. I have good legs, that are strong and muscled and take me round awesome 10mile runs.

I get obsessed with things – parsnips, banana-carrot smoothies – and I am a perfectionist. Every time I have a bad run, I am 10 x more motivated to have a better one the next time – today, I had a lovely run! I also like to make plans and work out times, and I like to know I’ve put in the maximum amount of effort I possibly can into something. In regards to my marathon training / running, I don’t like to take unscheduled rest days, or easy days or whatever, because i KNOW that the running plan will work as it is, therefore I want to stick to it to a T, so that when it comes to the actual 26.2mile day – I’ll feel confident and know I’ve done as I should.

I can’t help who I am, my habits, my figure, and my insecurities. I’m a work in progress.

I’m going to take a break from blogging. At the moment, I just feel pretty hurt, and need to take a step back. I hope you all understand! Thank you to everyone who does support me It does mean the world.

Hello studmuffins!

Do you know what I realised today? It’s Tuesday. Tuesday 12th July. JULY. How has that happened?? Where has this year gone? It seems like just yesterday I was doing exams, yet now I’ve had my results and am graduating a week tomorrow..which means I’ll officially be a Grown Up, in The Real World. Such a scary thought! So much is changing…

Remember I told you about the interviews I had this week and next? Well, one was an assessment centre tomorrow, but I’ve decided not to go. It was a tough decision, but I’m going with my gut; I know a lot of people say graduates – in today’s economy – should take whatever they can find, and I get that, I had that attitude the second my exams were done. I applied to loads of things, one of which was this particular recruitment company. But then, I got thinking – I want to stay true to myself! I don’t want to end up in a job I hate, I want to be in a job I love, and I’m lucky enough to have a mother who won’t kick me out on the streets the second I’ve graduated. (She actually wants me to take a year off!) The recruitment company, as it turns out, aren’t actually recruiting into companies I like (think IT, finance etc) and although the role would be a sales role, how can I sell something I don’t give a toot about?

On top of that, IF I was successful at the assessment centre, the average time to be placed in a job after that is NINE days, according to this company. NINE. DAYS. That’s not very long! Although I am desperate to move out and start LIVING, I am not ready to leave home in nine days. I have Chika to think about, housing to think about etc. It takes time.

Also, I was researching the company this past week, and came across some real scathing reviews of the assessment centre – ‘like Big Brother auditions’, ‘only the loud, obnoxious people get through’, ‘waste of time’…. seeing as a trip to London would cost me £50 minimum and a whole day, I decided it wasn’t worth it. Instead, I’m going to focus my energy / time / $$$ on the interview on Monday – for a job i desperately want, in a company I ADORE.

All this job stuff though, not knowing what the future holds, being in limbo, not having a ‘purpose’ at the moment, not being kept cognitively & physically busy … it’s tough. It’s stressing me out and certainly not making me happy. You know I mentioned in my post before last that I’ve been struggling with some stuff? Well, part of that stuff (this isn’t all of it – there’s a lot which I will never post about on here, never ever) is about me – or more specifically, my body.

I’m feeling very, very insecure about myself and my figure. My insecurity is a symptom of the bigger issues I’ve just mentioned, but it is an exhausting and overwhelming symptom. For the first time in a long time, I really do look ‘normal’ – but I feel so .. ashamed? .. of my body at the moment. [this is tough to write about!] Half of my brain knows I look fine, I’m healthy, and regardless, my weight / size of my thighs / thickness of my arm does NOT define me as a person. But the other half, the nasty irritating half, is not liking what it sees. It sees a large person, one who has chunky thighs and thick arms and a round belly. I KNOW this is unreasonable – BUT I can’t help thinking those thoughts. I’m NOT acting on them, but it is horrible and distressing to have them. It’s driving me mad! It comes from stress – but when I’m busy (not just physically, but mentally too) the thoughts go, because I don’t have time for them. But when when you’re alone in the house all day with no-one to talk to, my mind wonders. I’m trying my best to keep busy – I job search, sort out applications, go for reading walks, ride Chika, bake, run, work at the shop…but my brain needs to be more busy too! I have such an active head, it’s hard for it to not be so busy, if that makes sense.

I am trying my hardest to combat these thoughts though – in the end, I wrote my mum a letter saying how I felt, and she’s going to help me out as much as she can. She’s such an amazing woman…she works 12hour days and hasn’t had a day off in 2 weeks, but she always finds time for me. She’s the best! We’re going to work together and beat my demons

OK! Long, difficult rant over…I want to show you some delizzus food now!

Carrot-courgette socca muffins for one. OH, they were little bites of heaven! Perfect snack fuel for my day of retail therapy yesterday

Talking of retail, on my trip yesterday, although I was there to get an interview outfit (which you will see at some point!) I couldn’t resist a trip into Whittards – if you haven’t been in before, GO IN IMMEDIATELY! It sells nothing but coffee, tea, chocolate and plates / bowls / mugs! IE – my dream land. They always seem to have sales, and yesterday was no exception – I picked up a beautiful bowl and plate, both reduced to £1.50:

(Banana-carrot smoothie, which made up part of last nights’ dinner)

(those millet flakes – I haven’t had oats in about 2 weeks! – may look dull, but they were actually packed with cinnamon, gram flour, nutmeg and nooch. SO tasty!)

For prices like that, I seriously couldn’t say no (ahem, or I just have a weak will…)

SUCH an adorable plate!! Hand painted AND dishwasher safe – what more could a girl ask for? Pancakes, maybe.

Those four little cakes were chocolate-coffee flavour, with added cacao nibs – I ate them just before I went into the hairdressers (yes, I brought my pancakes with me. I’m weird like that) alongside a cappuccino and little salad thing:

More parsnip, I hear you cry? NO!

That, my dears, is CELERIAC! I can’t tell you how much I’ve missed my little white celery-related friend It felt good to have him back.

You know what is also good? Salt and vinegar flavoured soy crisp thingies, in the same mouthful as parsnip:

Yep. Weird, but true.

In fact, that whole plate above was awesome. The chunky things at the top are a new faux meat thing I found (fake chicken, to be precise) which are vegan and made from wheat gluten and a bit of soya. A tad processed yes, but with 26g protein per serving, I sure ain’t complaining! They make a fun change

Talking of changes, here’s one thing that ISN”T changing – my runs! Well, kinda. The average pace of my runs has been incredibly consistent the past few weeks…check this out:

8.10, 8.18, 8.10, 8.19, 8.00, 8.08, 8.03, 8.22, 8.19, 8.20, 7.47, 8.20, 8.14 (today’s run)

There’s a random 8miler missing (cos I ran sans Garmin) but I think that’s pretty cool! I don’t think my running paces have ever been that consistent! My mile splits within the runs are a bit more…varied (today – mile 1 = 8.38, mile 5 = 7.58) but still! I hope I can keep it up tomorrow – Wednesday marks my pre-marathon-training training beginning…if that makes sense. I’m moving my long runs to Wednesdays, so I can get in my scheduled long run in before I go to America in August [I leave on a Wednesday evening], then I won’t have to do a hot long run on the Sunday there, and will therefore be back on track for Sunday long runs once I get back [I arrive back on a Thursday]. Genius right?

It does mean that I’m hopefully doing 10 tomorrow..here’s hoping my day off on Monday, and easy 5miles today mean I’ll get a good one!

MK, this post is long. Later ‘gaters!

Question: Do you have body issues? How do you deal with them?

…you guys are all stars!

(source)

Thank you for your understanding comments on my last post – they all mean so much! They do make me feel a bit better.

So I’m not doing a proper post today – I have hardly any photos cos I wasn’t even home most of the day..why? Cos I had some serious retail therapy booked ;-D I actually really needed to go into town, so I could get The Interview Outfit… I had basically NO clothes suitable for an interview, so I went and bought myself a whole new outfit (or two). All I can say is thank goodness for sales and a 20% of voucher…

I also treated myself to a Starbucks (it’s been far too long), then spent the evening researching the company I’m interviewing with, eating a delicious and random dinner, listening to Snoop Dogg and Eminem (apparently I’m becoming an angry teenage boy), and watching Grey’s with my mamma.

Tomorrow should be a good day – I’m getting a HAIR CUT! I actually haven’t had one in just under a year – which is horrific! The ends are looking somewhat scraggy now :-s

Now it’s my bed / book time – back tomorrow!

Question: How often do you get your hair cut?

Hello Monkeys!

How was your weekend? Wild, sunny, rainy, boring?

Mine was … all of the above. Well, except the wild. Not much wild happening in my life right now! Though I did earn myself £20squid doing favours for my gran, so…yay?

Anyway!

I think this is gonna be one of those picture posts, without much writing and blah-ness – mainly cos I feel somewhat frazzled and don’t really have much to say! Though knowing me, I’ll end up rambling for ages anyway…like right now…*Move it on Freya. Move it on.*

I shall start wiiith…my favourite food this weekend! I discovered that if I get peanut flour, and mix it with garlic, agave, cinnamon, soy sauce and LIME, it is the zestiest most delizzus sauce in all the land:

See?

See again?

Butterbeans, mashed with nooch and garlic and dijon mustard and soya milk…holyyum

LOVE. Bytheby, it also works as a fine tempeh topper.

I’ve also become addicted to carrot-banana smoothies this weekend, thanks to the recipe Gena posted the other day. I seriously have lost count of the number I have had over the past few days…

At least it’s in a different bowl

…but when something tastes THAT good, you have to roll with it right?

Talking of things tasting good, let’s discuss: cookies.

You know how I had a big bake-athon for my mamma on Friday for the course she was teaching this weekend? Well, the goods went down really really well! There was one woman attending the course though, who was wheat intolerant – not gluten intolerant, wheat intolerant. My mum wanted to know if I could make something she could have – vy, ov corz! Straight away, I googled ‘vegan wheat free cookies’ and came upon the wonderful PPK Kitchen of Isa, where there was a lovely recipe for chocolate chip wheat free cookies.

HURRAH!

Um, or not.

Now I followed that recipe to a T, for real. But as I was making it, I thought ‘this batter is quite wet….it spreads a lot on the sheet…’ and as they were baking, I was feeling very nervous. Turns out, my baker’s intuition was correct. Those cookies were a FAIL in every sense of the word!

Actually, they just failed in looks and shape, cos they taste AMAZING – but what the eff re everything else!?

I re-read the recipe over and over, trying to work out where I went wrong – then I saw the words ‘baking soda’. Baking soda…baking soda…does that mean baking powder, or bicarb of soda? For some reason, I used bicarb of soda, which in itself is stupid; I don’t think I have ever seen a recipe use bicarb by itself! D’oh. I think Isa wanted me to use baking powder. Lesson learnt.

Obviously I was not going to send my mum off with those failed cookies, so I quickly whipped up a batch of my go-to Dreena’s E, D & BV cookies. They came out perfect, and were adored by all

Moving on from the cookie theme —>

Have you ever seen those recipes for vegetarians where they replace a burger with a portobello mushroom? I have, and I’ve always huffed at them – a mushroom, replacing a BURGER? Well, it seems quite ridiculous!

I eat my words.

I fried up a portobello mushroom the other day and shoved it in a seedy English muffin – along with homemade ‘bbq’ sauce (ketchup, balsamic, molasses, garlic, s+p) and it was AMAZING!

So, so meaty – just minus the iron, blood and animal factor.

Look at THAT! Incredible right!? I think so. I was mightily impressed

Equally – if not more – impressive was my chocolate cherry strawberry banana green monster:

It had..yep, you guessed it – cocoa powder/chocolate extract, cherries, strawburruhs, frozen banana and frozen spinach. Out-of-this-world good!

—

OK, so they were the good eats – can I be a Negative Nancy now?

I did a 10mile run today, and it was nicht gut. I wasn’t in pain and I wasn’t having breathing problems, but my heart just was not in it today. There is a lot (A LOT) on my mind right now, which I’m struggling with and which doesn’t reach the blog, and I think it had an effect. Like, my emotions were all over the place – When I got to my turn around point, I realised I’d forgotten to switch my Garmin to start again, so I ended up running an extra .15 mile. .15 mile!? A tiny distance, but enough to make me burst into tears when I realised! Likewise, I got to the top of a tough hill, and the water works started again, just cos it was tough. It wasn’t the run making me cry, but me making me cry. I’m still feeling very fragile now, and I feel really quite alone. I can’t talk to my mum because she’s under a lot of stress right now, and to be honest…I don’t have anyone else to turn to. Hopefully I can just ride this out.

ANYWAY!

I finished the run in….

(8.20 pace)

….not including cry-time, FYI. I had a snack break at about mile 7.5:

A fruit strip thing, sent by a healthy cupcake from the States! It was from a foodie swap package, which i WILL blog about in full soon!

Breakfast after my run was ever so comforting and ever so delicious – it involved a carrot banana smoothie, as well as millet flakes with 1/2 c. soya yogurt stirred in at the end, so it had ever such a slight sour taste…..

…along side a hunk of PB bread!

My mum saved me a chunk from her course I split the chunk in two, thinking I’d have the other bit at lunch, but I ended up eating the other bit anyway cos it was SO good! DEFINITELY making that recipe again

Other activities included getting eating alive by horse flies when I was working Chika – we managed a measly 15mins before giving up – and going to visit my gran to say HERRO!

Now it’s time for me to watch Grey’s and eat chocolate.

Au revoir!

Tell me: when you’re feeling stressed / worried / upset, who do you talk to?